Adolescence is the period when love and belonging are most intensely sought; sometimes the traces of this quest are seen in a glance, sometimes in a friendship, and sometimes in an inner window opening to oneself. However, this quest often comes with a sense of lack, with the empty pieces of an incomplete puzzle. From a psychological perspective, making the need for love dependent on a single person or source creates vulnerability. From a spiritual perspective, this lack is the heart's call to find its own roots. As Ibn Ataullah points out, man is invited to see the manifestation in existence; but he is not allowed to get stuck in existence itself. Therefore, the heart always turns towards "a deeper love" and "a more genuine connection."
When adolescents hear this call, they sometimes face loneliness, sometimes stray down wrong paths, and sometimes struggle in their search for meaning. But each time, there is an effort to approach the true source of love in their essence. At this point, parents' greatest responsibility is not only to guide but also to provide a secure foundation; to touch the adolescent's heart without judgment, belittling, or indifference. Because a parent's word is often more lasting than the noise of the outside world.
However, it should not be forgotten that problems also usually stem from internal issues. Familial problems also manifest themselves from the core outwards.
Allah (c.c.) says, اَوَلَمَّٓا اَصَابَتْكُمْ مُص۪يبَةٌ قَدْ اَصَبْتُمْ مِثْلَيْهَاۙ قُلْتُمْ اَنّٰى هٰذَاۜ قُلْ هُوَ مِنْ عِنْدِ اَنْفُسِكُمْۜ اِنَّ اللّٰهَ عَلٰى كُلِّ شَيْءٍ قَد۪يرٌ (165)
Even though you brought twice as much (calamity upon the disbelievers in the Battle of Badr) (in the Battle of Uhud) when a (single) calamity befell you, you said: "(With the Prophet among us and us being Muslims) where did this come from?" Say: "It is from yourselves (and from your disobedience to the Prophet)." Indeed, Allah is capable of all things.
(Al-i Imran: 165)
(In the Battle of Badr, the polytheists lost seventy dead and seventy prisoners, while in the Battle of Uhud, seventy Muslims were martyred.)
In this regard, problems and obstacles can arise naturally, or by people infringing upon their own rights, or from individual mistakes and carelessness. A family needs to understand this issue well in order to stand firm and produce solutions in the face of its problems.
The damage to the sense of belonging opens one of the biggest wounds in a young person's soul. When a young person feels abandoned, they become rootless; the desire to exist and belong weakens. However, they want to be seen and valued. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) approached every segment of society with this sensitivity. He considered respecting the elderly a requirement of faith, saying, "Allah will honor whoever honors an elder on the Day of Resurrection" (Tirmidhi, Birr, 75). He showed compassion to children and youth due to their innocence and purity; he announced that the pen (responsibility for sins) is lifted until they reach puberty (Abu Dawud, Hudud, 17). Thus, he advised the ummah to care for both the elders, who are guided by experience, and the young, who live with innocence.
When a person knows their limits and boundaries, they realize both their own worth and the worth of others. Otherwise, one who forgets their own insignificance sees neither themselves nor others; they are punished by not seeing. The real test for parents is not to compete with their own egos, but to guide them. Because before trying to correct others, a person must first see themselves and address themselves. For one who sees themselves takes the first step towards seeing others. In the race of egos, looking at "who has more money" leads to comparison and greed; but looking at those below one's own level brings humility. This journey begins with being able to say "I don't know." Knowing what you don't know is the first door to learning and understanding.
It should not be forgotten that by taking a young person's hand, one actually touches all of humanity. Giving for the sake of Allah, taking for the sake of Allah, and warming the young person to His love transforms into good deeds that will gain the whole world. As one person, then another, the focus of light increases; if we change what is within us, what is destined for us also changes. The video below actually emphasizes an issue related to this.
A saying attributed to Ali ibn Abi Talib (may Allah be pleased with him) states: "I prefer the opinion of an old man over the determination of a young man."
This saying reminds us that determination without wisdom is fragile. Youth is full of energy and searching; however, its direction gains depth through the opinions and guidance of the elderly. Although a young person may see things definitively, they may not be able to describe them like an elder; because there is a difference in experience between them, and experience allows for a deeper perception.
So what will we do? Shall we not say what we do?!
Do it?! We did it?! A person should always look at themselves and seek purification; they should pray, "Educate me." When we see a young person, we imagine their innocence, and when we encounter an elder, we imagine their worship and experiences. Setting out with the intention of saying "I don't know" makes it possible for a person to achieve brotherhood and take a step towards brotherhood in both this world and the hereafter.
So what is this dangerous move we are making?
Just giving answers to young people. Seeing them as curious, mischievous, flawed and saying "they are just kids, what would they know". At this point, the real shame is to claim to know more than them. However, the young person presents us with their "whys". As they present them, they challenge us, but they do this because they are curious about where we are coming from and where we are going. In the stage called adolescence, they experience those pains and enter into a crisis and search because they move from the "why?" question to the "how?" question. The real journey begins with this "how?" question. It is the land of "hows" where one moves away from their homeland and strives to return there.
And we, most of the time, silence that young person with quick answers. However, what should be done is for the servant to know their own powerlessness and to know what they don't know. This stance is the first step to being able to approach the young person.
In conclusion, the search for love and belonging in young people is not just an individual adventure. This search is a common issue for society, family, and humanity. To see a young person is actually to see a world. When their journey is listened to, not only young people but also we awaken to a new wholeness within ourselves.